@Sean_Hegarty: My laptop has a Miley Virus. It's stopped twerking.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: My Mormon neighbor said it was rude I assumed her husband's surprise birthday party invitation was also an invitation to be her sister wife.
@CheetoBandito77: This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it "double bagged"...I said "No, you're not THAT ugly..." And that's why I'm not allowed in Target.
@1_swarthy_dude: [1st date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Her: "I'm a Herpetologist." Me: "Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?"