@KayArePea: My last relationship was so bad, it featured Pitbull.
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@JermHimselfish: I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath.
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*
@UnFitz: Tip: "At the same time" has more characters than "simultaneously." The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder.