@KayArePea: My last relationship was so bad, it featured Pitbull.
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@TSDD24: HER: Let's do some role playing ME: Okay, be ur sister HER: I was thinking a sexy profession.. ME: Oh okay. What's ur sister do for work?
@Dawn_M_: [Speed Dating] People act weird when I explain that I ate my twin in the womb, but when would have been the right time to do it?
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy?" "Yes?" "What are you doing?" "Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter."