@ramblinma: My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
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@RoosterMustache: ME: want anything for breakfast? BOSS: just banana [struggling to hold office door shut] ANA: let me in! ME: sorry boss said to ban you
@RedheadChaos: Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation.. ~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand
@ComedicBust: Me: How do think pirates said "booty" all the time without laughing? Mother-in-law: I begged my daughter not to marry you.