@ramblinma: My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
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@michel_lesann: “Is there a genius in the house?! It’s an emergency!” *I start to get up from table* *wife discretely stops me* *I silently agree with wife*
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: What would you like to get out of this job? Me: As many free office supplies as possible.
@SaltyCorpse: My neighbor from New England was complaining about the way people talk here. At least that's what I think he said. I didn't have a translator.
@liv_thatsme: Well, I was in a huge hurry until you started driving 1 inch from my bumper. Now, I've got all the time in the world.