@El_nacho_Nigre: My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
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@tweetingdouche: Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts.
@XplodingUnicorn: [out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]
@chagger73: My ex told me I'd never find another woman like her. nnI don't think she was expecting the high 5 and happy dance I did right after.
@Matt_The_1st: I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great