@El_nacho_Nigre: My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
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@jackiembouvier: I just slipped in the shower and my life flashed before my eyes but it was just a series of other times I almost fell.
@SamGrittner: *goes to pond* *duck hands me $100* "Give me the hard stuff." *hands over bag of croutons*
@BoomBoomBetty: Every time I find a new gray hair I text my mother to tell her I’m calling it one of the many grandchildren names she passive aggressively suggested to me over the years.