@El_nacho_Nigre: My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
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@HandyJack420: Wait...so I get a million dollars AND I get to punch a baby in the face? -me when someone asks if I would punch a baby for a million bucks
@TheMichaelRock: I just plugged in a USB cord on the first try. My wife is in for a treat tonight.
@DaddyJew: The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
@ericsshadow: My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.