@garrydavenport: My local cinema was broken into last night and goods worth £15,000 stolen: a packet of popcorn and a medium Coke.
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@graceful_asfuck: My 10 yr old googled how many states are in Oregon so I guess geography skills are like genetic or whatever
@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.
@kelkulus: It would have been cool to see the discovery of salt. "This food tastes bland. Let's see if I can improve it by adding some rocks."
@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.