@HatfieldAnne: My long legs mean I can emerge gracefully from an SUV. After that, every step looks like I was just released from a zero gravity experiment.
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@devansgorock: Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy.
@iinkedZombie: [after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!
@carlyken: [airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal