@Jake_the_God: My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
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@KevinFarzad: Sick and tired of cooking videos assuming I have 40 perfect little bowls to put ingredients in. Grow up
@Cryptoterra: after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host
@QwertyJones3: ME: Hi I'd like to apply for a job as a contortionist "When can you come in for an interview?" ME: I'm flexible
@WeissBrandon: My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that's how the fight started.