@MommaWordsIt: My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: "well i asked asked her to move in after 3 months but i don't think-" [cop interrupts me] do you know how fast you were going IN YOUR CAR
@LuvPug: I think it would be totes adorbz if I throat punched you the next time you say 'totes adorbz'
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 3-year-old: A monster truck. I don't think insurance is going to cover that surgery.
@StarWarsProblms: Officer: We're building the Death Star as fast as we can. Vader: I have new ways to motivate you. *implements margarita Tuesdays*