@MommaWordsIt: My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good
@RudeFunPillow: do u know the muffin man the muffin man the muffin man do u know the muffin man that lives on d-d-d-d-d-d DROP THE BASS *club goes nuts*
@hamspamtymaam: Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I'm just going to wait until she breaks up with everyone else so I'm all that's left.