@MommaWordsIt: My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: How much for the selfie stick? Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it.
@beefman138: I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver.
@bourgeoisalien: Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list.