@hyperblastchic: My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn't recognize him when she was canning pickles.
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@aveuaskew: Is this one haunted? "No" What about that one? "Ma'am, none of the booze is haunted" What kind of wine and spirits store is this?!
@AdamOfEarth: When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are It's a ball of gas and fire It can't hear you.
@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.