@sublyfe2015: My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.
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@timdonakowski: I should've been a sniper. They get to lie around all day and hardly lift a finger.
@buhsbaby_baby: Can I get pregnant from looking at a man in another car, at a red light but then quickly looking away when he looks over?
@itchyturtle: Rent boat. Go out to sea. Find sperm whale. Tell him he's called sperm whale. Console sperm whale. Have fun with new whale best friend.
@marebytes: I'd have more respect for the weather man if he just got on camera & said "I have no idea, your guess is as good as mine -go outside & look"