@smickable: My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: Where's the food? [flashback to me waving at a dog and forgetting to stop at the second window to pick it up] me: Dammit
@TriciaLockwood: me: this cat is kissing me on the lips because it LOVES me cat: mother's lips taste perpetually of bacon
@SamuelHLowe: I forgive you, but I hope your death is written, produced, and directed by Quentin Tarantino.