@jake_lach: My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen
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@JasonLastname: Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
@DanMentos: "How can I help you? Hi I'd like a root canal "Are you a patient here?" No "Who referred you to us?" No one "Ok then why-" I have a Groupon
@itchyturtle: Rent boat. Go out to sea. Find sperm whale. Tell him he's called sperm whale. Console sperm whale. Have fun with new whale best friend.