@jake_lach: My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen
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@Spaced_Cowboy00: A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
@Ristolable: Seize the day. Attack the week. Murder the month. Approach your life in a generally violent way.
@serialmatrix: God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
@CaptainObtuse: Just printed out 50 copies of today's weather forecast to carry around with me today because I'm just not in the mood for small talk.