@Underchilde: My neighbor said the next time he comes over he’s bringing the whole family, so I told him I couldn’t wait and then I burned my house down.
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@QwertyJones3: Watch it bro, your mouth's writing checks your body can't cash. Because you write really sloppy with the pen in your mouth. Seriously, wtf?
@shariv67: "You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?" "Yeah. Why is that?" "There are more birds on that side."
@Just_Lee_: My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants