@Underchilde: My neighbor said the next time he comes over he’s bringing the whole family, so I told him I couldn’t wait and then I burned my house down.
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@weinerdog4life: Do not break eye contact with your waitress as you put the spaghetti in your wallet.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.
@KevinFarzad: This man recorded his son every day for a decade. The footage is breathtaking and takes 10 years to watch.