@MarcusTheToken: My neighbors are arguing. So I threw 6 shoes in the dryer. They haven't said a word since.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Joshuawbenson: PEOPLE WITH CHRONICALLY MOIST HANDS: When you have dry lips, rub them on your palms. I call it Lip palm. It's free.
@DaddyJew: [ cookout ] Me: OMG this ketchup is amazing! Host: yea yea we all know you brought the ketchup
@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
@bingowings14: Trick your partner into thinking you’ve been to Costco by coming home with a canoe & a years supply of dishwasher tablets.