@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'How will I know when I'm an adult?' and I said, ' When you hear your favorite Justin Bieber song playing in an elevator'
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@noonanjo: Editor: “you wrote this weird, half the story is a single quote.” Reporter: [long drag on a Marlboro] “Trust me.”
@HonestToddler: They’re saying I put a stuffed animal in the toilet. Untrue. I sent it on a mission to retrieve my toy cars.