@lovemydogduck: My nephew had his first day of kindergarten yesterday. I told him he gets to go back tomorrow. He said No thank you. I won't be going back.
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@simoncholland: Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack
@ElleOhHell: BEN AFFLECK: I'm directing a new movie and I was thinking about you for the lead role BEN AFFLECK: Well I'm obviously very flattered
@DannyZuker: Just getting romantic with the wife when our slow cooker set off our smoke alarm so yes, I was crock blocked.
@JohnFugelsang: The awkward part of having the 10 Commandments displayed in US courthouses is realizing that 8 of them are pretty much legal here.