@bmarked21: My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LostFelicia: A case of yoo-hoos, canned spaghetti and xanax. I'm like a 6 year old with anxiety and a driver's license.
@marknorm: After learning about hieroglyphics, it makes you realize that Egyptians invented the emoji.
@AnkCoupleTO: [coming out of coma] Doc: You survived the heart attack Me: I'm going to eat right & get fit D: *shows me hospital bill* M: *pulls plug*
@KenJennings: You guys know Chumbawamba broke up because you kept spelling it "Chumbawumba," right?