@hrtbps: My New Year's resolution is *removes sunglasses* 2048x1080. I'll explain. *perches on desk* You see, the word 'resolution' can also refer t
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@IAmMikeFeeney: What they say: "Hey, have you lost weight?" What they mean: "Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"
@BuckyIsotope: “My god, it’s the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run” *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you
@TitansHomer: Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"
@desusnice: i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he's nice enough to say both their first & last name