@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
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@imogenjayy: Takes approximately 7.5 seconds for #Adele to make you mourn a relationship that you weren't even in.
@UncleDuke1969: WIFE: Why are you wearing camo? ME: Crap. You can see me? WIFE: Put those cookies back.