@ruslg1: My one night stand is pissed because I broke the other one.
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@bridger_w: Occasionally I like to stroll into a bank, pull a gun, shout "Everybody be cool!" and then hand out sunglasses and leather jackets.
@iTomFoolery: We’ve had the selfie and now the selfie stick. So when will our phones be renamed Selfones.
@PabloGSerski: Justin Bieber's to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.
@crunchenhancer: What's the difference between carbon monoxide and spouses? Carbon monoxide is a silent killer.