@ruslg1: My one night stand is pissed because I broke the other one.
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@Marlebean: *sees someone drop their wallet* *picks it up and runs after them* Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! You... *catches breath* Your outfit is hideous
@withanewname: [shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?
@OneStopComedy: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
@PostCultRev: "Clue" is a board game about people trapped in a house and one of them is a homicidal maniac who has just killed. Ages 8 and up.