@torrami: My parents and teachers said I could be anything I wanted but I'm 28 now and I'm still not a hot Asian girl named Bang Bang :(
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@mexinonblonde: *jumps on stage and snatches up mic and screams* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! *gets escorted out of church*
@MoneypennyNaked: *deletes your contact information* Siri: Are you sure you really want to do that? You've already deleted and re-added this guy 17 times.
@KevinBuffalo: *placing Trump & Hillary signs on my lawn Neighbor: "Confused about who to vote for?" Me: "What? No! I'm making a Halloween haunted house."