@kumailn: My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas costs everywhere
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@TheTweetOfGod: Wouldn't that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? "So retro!", you'd think as you were vaporized.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!
@KKAlThani: My iPod started crying after I dropped it. I said "You'll be okay, stop syncing about it". We laughed & made jokes about Microsoft together.
@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had