@seanyeatts: My parents just googled me and now they're crying
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@SgtButtCheeks: My 4yo son just asked what squirrels eat. I answered nuts. We laughed so hard, hugged, and gave each other a high 5. My boy.
@mexinonblonde: "Quit mowing your lawn you heathen and go to church!" -Me as I put in earplugs and go back to bed on a Sunday morning.