@seanyeatts: My parents just googled me and now they're crying
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheCatWhisprer: WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?
@TheToddWilliams: RABBIT HUSBAND: You look even better after a full day of work. I don't know how you do it, honey. RABBIT WIFE: They test cosmetics on me.
@AndyAsAdjective: Honey, you know the part in The 6th Sense when she drops his wedding ring & you realize he's been dead the whole time? Well I want a divorce
@thejoelstein: 4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to "How do you know if something is art?" "People tell you."