@prncss_fifi: My parents think im a virgin. My boss thinks Im an excellent employee. The government thinks Im an outstanding citizen. Where's my Oscar?
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@SnizzleFrizzle: 12: "Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?" Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child
@iTomFoolery: We’ve had the selfie and now the selfie stick. So when will our phones be renamed Selfones.
@TheIronSherk: Why is it called a "network of computers streaming Disney movies to cows" and not "Moo-LAN"
@Tommytoughstuff: THERAPIST: How does that make you feel? ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.