@OfficialMizGin: My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.
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@Home_Halfway: LAWYER: Your Uncle Paul Watt passed away ME: Wow I didn't know him L: He bequeathed his mine to you ME: Wait a minute L: Watts mine is yours
@ahamedweinberg: Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math.