@ItsJennaMarbles: My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
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@ArielDumas: Cat: What are you doing? Me: Nothing. Cat: You were looking at younger cats again. Me: No Cat: Show me your Instagram feed. Me: No way.
@weinerdog4life: One of my stuffed animals just told me I should get back on my meds, I guess someone doesn't want to be part of tea party club anymore.
@TheNardvark: She said that having a successful marriage is all about making sacrifices so I threw her into a volcano.