@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
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@AphroditeAfter5: My boyfriend wants to do it like three times a week-----together. He's so demanding!
@dorsalstream: [kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT.
@jake_likes_naps: [gets down on 1 knee] Babe will you-- "Yeah... Here it is" [she lends me her phone charger] Thanks
@Introvert_Dad: Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. I can't even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne