@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
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@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
@LostFelicia: I'm having problems with favstar. Can all of you trophy me to see if it's working right now? Thanks.
@InternetHippo: OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!! ME: OMG *clutches guns* [7 years later] ME (frustratedly checking my watch): This guy is taking forever
@DaddyJew: Son: you have a gray hair Me: it's a badge of honor Son: *looks at head* whoa, you're like some sort of super soldier Me: go to your room