@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
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@Carbosly: Have we tried unplugging coma victims and plugging them in again? Works for my computer.
@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."
@Reverend_Scott: Me: "...american cheese, toasted." Her: "What kind of cheese?" Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted?" Me: "I'll just make it myself."
@sirivan: There’s no problem you can’t solve with a great night of dancing. Except for a broken foot. Then you should see a doctor.