@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
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@mortimermaiden: me: *hanging back a bit while out with friends* friends: that guy has followed us to 3 bars.
@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@VolatileVani: My favorite romcom is Silence of the Lambs and if you tell me it's not a romcom well oh boy have I got a Powerpoint presentation for you.
@Book_Krazy: [interview] HIM: What are your strengths? ME: Well, I can see dead people. HIM: Wow, interesting. Any hobbies? ME: Grave digging