@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order.
@TheSharona06: For people who say "nothing is impossible", that's crazy. I've been successfully doing nothing for several years now.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest