@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
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@SteveAmiri: Fifty Shades of Grey was disappointing. All those blindfolds and not a single person swung at a piñata.
@flashember: [Excavation for dino bones] DIGGER: Sir, we found something BIG! DOG PALEONTOLOGIST: *tail wags* Ok go for break [salivating] I'll finish up
@drinksmcgee: Trojan’s next commercial should just be a guy saying “See?” while pointing at my kids when they’re fighting over a cookie.