@Elizasoul80: My phone just fell down a flight of stairs, but it's ok, it was in my pocket.
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@JonnyStallone: If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in Jesus name amen"
@ilovepie84: This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the "Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen" that should confuse her for a while.
@fatguythe: Hid my daughters ipod in my other daughters room cause they've been getting along lately and there's nothing on tv tonight.
@pleatedjeans: "Ostriches can't fly" said the totally racist stewardess who made me dismount my ostrich & board the plane on foot like a lowly commoner