@perchicoree: My phone never asks me to put my husband down.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ShaunRightNow: Smiling releases endorphins in your body, which relieves stress. All I have to do now is explain that to my proctologist when he's done.
@butterwolf: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Marry your enemy. Grow old together. Watch your enemy die.
@garrettbarry70: Staying at my daughter's place again this weekend. Can't wait till 3am so I can wake her to tell her there's a moth in my room.
@david8hughes: All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles.