@elvisknievil: My plan to reduce shark attacks. Get them hooked on meth. Getting gummed by a toothless shark probably tickles.
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@ojedge: WATER POLO INSTRUCTOR: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" ME: [Adjusting the mask & snorkel on my horse] "Of course I do."
@djdarrellripley: I created a new solvent that will dissolve ANYTHING in the world! (Sigh) I just don't know what to keep it in....
@misfarber: Daddy, why is grandma so bitter? I don't know, son; seems to run in the family. Your great uncle tasted awful
@showersthinker: Watching Jeopardy backwards would be about a panel of 3 people asking Alex Trebek questions that he always gets right.