@JoshuaFlail: My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard.
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@GaryJanetti: When I was in my twenties we didn't have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad.
@zolofighter: " Wife: there is a man at the door with a mustache. Husband: tell him i've already got one. "
@captainkalvis: [I uppercut a news guy in his stupid face on live television] Me: say it Anchor: t-t-tune in tomorrow for more hard hitting journalism