@KKBowls: My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"
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@ericsshadow: If the salesman doesn't come with me on the test drive, I just take the car home and wait for them to come get it. I have so many cars now.
@genehunter1: I always blurt out, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND" in my best Al Pacino Scarface accent when I stand next to a stranger at a urinal.
@werehedgehog: In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented electricity because it was no longer considered humane to execute people using an acoustic chair.
@fuzzlime: Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry.