@KKBowls: My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"
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@mynameisntdave: [sex] GF: u bring protection? ME: ya [i show a gun] GF: not what I meant ME: I kno, I have a fox guarding us. The gun is for if it wigs out
@Carbosly: Do you have FB? No Do you have Twitter? No Instagram? No What do you have? A life. ... ... Can I have it? No. I need it to play Candy Crush.