@KKBowls: My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"
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@Brampersandon_: THE WEEKND: I can't feel my face when I'm with you DENTIST (injecting novocaine): that's kinda the point dude
@LunchJournals: "I'm a big fan of 50 cent. Or as he's known in Zimbabwe: four hundred million dollars."
@davidkenny100: The scene in lady and the tramp but as our lips meet I carry on sucking. You feel the pasta travel back up your throat. My pasta My. Pasta
@Eightinchgoat: Some dude just asked if I was "herb friendly". I told him I like basil and dill and he walked off. Guess he didn't have thyme to discuss it.