@li4mst3w4rt: my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook...
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@DirtMcTurd: My friends call me Superman, not because I help people, its because I wear the same clothes everyday
@HousewifeOfHell: My daughter told me I'm "slightly prettier than Ben Franklin," so I have that going for me.
@TySmithdrums: Me: "I can't find your phone." Her: "Call it." Me: "Here, phone!" Her: "I hate you."