@li4mst3w4rt: my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook...
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@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.
@ItsJusKimberly: [doorbell] 4: *opens door Hi, is your mom home? 4: she's in the tower mom: whispers from behind door "no no no it's SHOWER not tower!"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'm not allowed to watch Hoarders anymore because people say "let it go" too often and then I can't stop singing it, an autobiography.