@li4mst3w4rt: my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook...
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@TheDairylandDon: No rule against wearing an old Halloween costume to Thanksgiving. Let your racist uncle talk presidential politics with Donkey from Shrek.
@batkaren: Deep in the black void where my heart once beat, there lies a small, glowing ember-- oh wait no that's a Cheeto.
@lilgapeach30: I don't delete annoying people out of my phone. I give them new names so I know not to answer. "Always needs a favor" is calling, decline.