@BradBroaddus: My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards.
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@lisaxy424: Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.
@MelissaDawn1974: Society has this weird perception that nurses are the most nurturing parents. My kids: My arm hurts when I move it!! Me: Then don't do it.
@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."