@BradBroaddus: My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@theyearofelan: Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???
@badbanana: 1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns.
@Tmoney68: [Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later.