@GrandadJFreeman: My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
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@Book_Krazy: [Pours goldfish into aquarium] You're free now "Mom? You know those are just crackers, right?"
@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@animaldrumss: Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed