@GrandadJFreeman: My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
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@ProdigyNelson: Doctor: we saved your dad but he's part owl now Son: Dad it's me Dad: *head turned 180°* who Son: very funny Doctor: yeah he has amnesia too
@HatfieldAnne: You see a Honda, a Toyota, a Chevy, and another Honda. I see four people who aren't getting that parking space. Hang on.
@truegritrumble: MOM: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. ME: I'd like to see them TRY *slowly pulls katana from beneath pillow*
@shariv67: They said I'd have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding my prince. I never found him, but I did find out I'm REALLY into frogs.