@abbycohenwl: My retirement plan is to buy several red polo shirts & anytime I need anything, go steal it from Target
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@_SingleBabyMama: I answer with an automatic "Yes" each time my mom says "Oh, have I told you...?" I could miss out on something good but chances are slim.
@McKnightyBoo: My 17yo pretends he doesn't understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you're finally a man
@serialmatrix: God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
@truegritrumble: ME: *taking their hand* It's okay. We all struggle with connecting. RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*