@abbycohenwl: My retirement plan is to buy several red polo shirts & anytime I need anything, go steal it from Target
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@NurseSeymour: Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: Please take off your sunglasses.. Me: Nah, I'm afraid you'll see how high I am
@Starlight2112: When someone slings shit at me, I like to duck and let it hit the person stabbing me in the back.