@abbycohenwl: My retirement plan is to buy several red polo shirts & anytime I need anything, go steal it from Target
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@junejuly12: I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.
@NoogsCorner: When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.
@steveolivas: I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent.