@Just_Lee_: My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants
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@tbhstop: has a fever: i'm ok coughs out lungs: i'm ok throat on fire: i'm ok is hungry: death, despair and chaos has entered my life
@AndyAsAdjective: The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
@SardonicTart: Me: Wow this recumbent bike is pretty comfortable. Trainer: Ok now start pedaling. Me: What?
@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.