@sploosk: my roofing company has gone bankrupt. I kept saying "this one's on the house" every time I finished a roof, how could i be so stupid
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@velcrofannypack: Directions: avoid contact with eyes "It's Ok, Shampoo, I feel shy sometimes too."
@FussySaffa: Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie
@moist_jeff: I set up a camera in my room like in paranormal activity but it's just 8 hours of me waving & walking down imaginary stairs behind my bed.
@4ndBest: [Crime scene] Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was *takes off sunglasses* D: blunt force trauma