@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
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@Tommytoughstuff: That awkward moment when you run into your old pizza guy and you're with your new much younger pizza guy.
@shutupmikeginn: So much wasted time in public school, as an adult I've never used cursive, done algebra, or had to remember anything from sex ed.
@FlyoverJoel: If people winked in real life as much as they do on the Internet, the world would be about 542.67% creepier.