@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
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@MatCro: [Starbucks Assassins Inc] CHIEF: Write this down. Target's name is John BARISTA: [writes] Jamie C: Ok. Memorise it B: [eyes shut] Janet
@PyrBliss: This girl just said, "You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?" and I was all like, "Nope." and walked away.
@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife