@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
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@anerdonfire2: I'm not surprised I woke up with a mannequin after too much to drink. I am surprised though that I used a condom
@kwirkyKerri: Of course I'm not leaving. I'm just going to step outside for a minute. (Runs to car)