@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
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@lucidchemistry: [in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. measure twice, cut once her: what? me: what?
@realHamOnWry: 73% of being white is looking like every limb hears a different beat when you're dancing.
@juliussharpe: When I die, I'm not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.
@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.