@MartaEffing: My self esteem flared up this morning. So I put on my bikini and checked my bank account. Ahhh... That's more like it.
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@handsock_butts: 6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet
@rockymomax: ME: *closes to Kill a Mockingbird* WIFE: did you actually read it? ME: yup WIFE: what happens ME: (very confidently) it was a bird massacre
@behindyourback: even worse than arguing with a stupid person online is when an even stupider person joins in but they're on your side
@Kendragarden: If I'm ever possessed, I hope the demon remembers these curls need product to bounce.