@SandyEggoMonk: My signature move is not caring which one yours is.
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@slimmy_shady: [wife enters as I'm doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It's not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!
@Thynebear: *walks up to bouncer* "sorry pal, this is a private country club" *peeks inside* [everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]
@ch000ch: date: where did u get that, i don't see that on the menu me: (biting into my corn on the cob) i bring my own corn on the cob
@AddledPixie: I've trapped dozens of birds and woodland creatures in my room but not one has helped me get dressed, and they're just shitting everywhere.