@realHamOnWry: My sister has promised to sing at my funeral. I hope she goes before I do.
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@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'm looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly." Ian: "I'm a medium." Me: "I need someone better than that."
@E_lok44: Pro tip: If you really want to make an impact, always have a mouth full of saliva before you "shhh" someone.
@JoeBerkowitz: The worst part about killing baby hitler is when you come back and everyone says "who?" but you still killed a baby.