@realHamOnWry: My sister has promised to sing at my funeral. I hope she goes before I do.
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@edanto_: Your girlfriend is so good in bed but can't do house chores. When your relatives complain you be like "You guys don't know her very well"
@KalvinMacleod: [parole hearing] OFFICER: are u reformed? ME: I— O: go on M: I th— O: tell us M: I'm— O: yes M: can I finish my sentence O: ok parole denied