@Eightinchgoat: My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn't 20 ... And in college.
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@sofarrsogud: ON PHONE WITH MY MOM HER: You still single and living with your stray cat family? ME: *proudly* No I am not! *high fives my pet penguin
@joeljeffrey: I waited around all morning for the mailman so I could grab his hand through the mail slot.
@Marlebean: Fun game: Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying