@JaySuch: My son asked me why girls pee sitting down. I told them they're lazy.
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@Modern_Psyche: Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don't know that person's handwriting.
@thatcarlygirl: Them: "How's your diet going?" Me: *slowly eats a powdered donut while maintaining eye contact*
@JohnLyonTweets: Disney movies taught me there's nothing I can't accomplish as long as my parents die a brutal untimely death.
@QuiteQuietOne: I just peed in my bath. But don't worry, I won't drink the water. - 4 year old logic