@Demented_Jokes: My son cried when I gave him his breakfast this morning. I made him scrambled eggs, covered them in ketchup & told him it was Humpty Dumpty.
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@SortaBad: *loses faith in humanity* "this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships"
@bacon_gillepic: Puts cardboard cutout of myself at my desk a week ago* Receives check* Dang I just got a raise
@2questionable: Most googled search terms today Before the eclipse: How to make my own cereal box viewer? After: How to tell if my cornea is sunburned?