@shawn_spree: My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack.
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@RobDenBleyker: I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams because she's a thirty foot half witch half crocodile who chases me endlessly through darkness.
@mattZillaaaa: Saw a young couple holding hands today & it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka
@UncleDuke1969: Date: So… Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: … Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should’ve used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?
@McNevich: Girl in front of me at the store this morning bought a Kool-Aid Burst and a big Slim Jim. Heroes walk amongst us, folks. Real life heroes.