@shawn_spree: My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack.
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@sploosk: ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*
@BlackJerms: At Twitter HQ J: Users haven't complained in a while, what's going on? Devs: Oh, we've got just the thing *releases update
@EJGomez: son: why is my name jesus dad: mom wanted to name u after a rolemodel other son: &me? dad: well Charizard the same reason but it was my turn
@Tmoney68: *the fog lifts* *the fog eats a high protein-low fat diet* *the fog does cardio* *the fog is fit af*