@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
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@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet
@patrickhogan91: *Frankenstein arrives with his monster at a bodybuilding contest* "Oh, you meant... you meant it like... ugh. Well that was a waste of time"
@goldengateblond: LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants.