@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
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@trumpetcake: Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a good way to get a whole row to yourself at the cinema.
@oxygenplug: "Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?" "Juicy Juice" "What? Are you sure? Why don't we-" "Juicy. Juice."
@jonnysun: INTERVIEWER: do u have any weaknesses VIDEO GAME BOSS: [strugling to cover glowing weak spots all over body] UM