@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
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@theshamingofjay: If the picture you took of the bad weather while driving isn't followed by a picture of your car crash then it wasn't that bad.
@IamEnidColeslaw: when the ice cream man drives down my street I walk alongside him screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU I WILL BEAR YOU MANY STRONG SONS
@pizza_dragon: Hi kids I'm Keanu Reeves here to tell you that speed is never cool unless you're a professional SWAT member on a bus that's about to blow up
@ImaFlyontheWall: Puts German chocolate in the fridge last night, this morning it's taken over the area that the polish sausage was in..