@carlyken: My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.
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@isabelzawtun: I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
@EricMarten: George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here.
@GrandadJFreeman: *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.