@carlyken: My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.
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@WilliamAder: I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance.
@HiddenPinky: [Home after awful day at work, my dog greets me] Me: At least somebody's happy to see me! Dog: *shakes head, pulls banana from pocket*