@gerryhallcomedy: My son used to check under the bed for monsters. So once I hid under there - so he'd see me and laugh. Anyway, child therapy is pricey.
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@djr_102: There's an epidemic in Britain that makes vulnerable young women inexplicably attracted to douchebags who miss leg day.
@TheThomason: Kid, if you don't know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don't deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn't cry.
@TheAlexNevil: "In just 4 years, you can get a 4 year degree!" Yes, "university" commercial--that math checks out.
@AmberTozer: Girl: Gonna keep having sex with this guy until he changes for me Guy: Can't believe she keeps having sex w/me I better not change a thing