@SusanandTrixie: My spirit animal is fried chicken
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@TheMichaelRock: I'm not saying you started that fire, Billy Joel; I'm just saying that innocent people don't write songs to defend themselves.
@mishakey: How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?
@Rollinintheseat: If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.